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I hate this!!! I can't stand feeling like there are other people more important to him then me. Of course I understand family, or a best friend. But I just can't take a girl being of more importance and use than I am. It's like I try so so hard to be the one to make him happy, but no matter what I do, she outshines me. They're not helping when they (my friends) tell me that when I leave this summer for Brasil he will move on to bigger and better (aka-her) and I'll come back with nothing left. I know they're just joking, and I know they joke when they say that they saw the two of them out together somewhere. But it's still making things so much harder. I am NOT a jealous person, I never have been, and I can't stand to be now. What is the signifigance of being wih someone if they would rather be with someone else? It's terrible how I find myself sitting places thinking about if he's talking to her, or hanging out with her. And what they're doing. Do I have trust issues? No, I would never have ANY reason to doubt the fact that he loves me. But the more and more I look the harder it is to find my place around here. Do I need to be doing something differently? I just want to be sure that I'm the one that he thinks about at night before he goes to bed, that I'm the one that pops in his head when someone says the word love, and that I'm the one he wants to spend all of his time with. I just don't know what to do to make sure that I'm the one.   

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September 2008

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